what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
