I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
