there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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