Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
