there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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