Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
