My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
