All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
they're like a gay fantastic four
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
