there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
