some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
