it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
