Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
