You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
