I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
