The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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