so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
