He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
