yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
