I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
