look no pants
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize