it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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