So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
