I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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