Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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