I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
