he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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