I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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