jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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