we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
