i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
