The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
