are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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