Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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