I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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