Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
