I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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