Sry I called you an 8
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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