I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
