Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
