her vagine was all disorganized.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
