I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
