Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
