I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize