Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
