How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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