I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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