Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
