i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
