I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
