Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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