there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
