I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
