yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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