My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
