I wish life had little blips of pornography
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
