i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
