This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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