i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
