I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
