If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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