so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
