his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
