Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
