I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
