Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
