Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
