32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
