On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
