dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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