the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
