I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize