I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Let's paint friendship bongs
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
